As soon as I understood the world, November 1 is for remembering the people that is no longer with us. But growing up I always wonder why?

“I don't remember anything, In fact I wasn't even born to when they were still here”

But somehow they are alive in the story of those who did. For almost 18 years of my life, I lighted candle and brought flowers to those departed that I didn't get the opportunity to know and grown attached. But these past 2 years I lighted candle to someone I knew for almost of my life, the person who took care of me, bath me, argue with me, and walk me to the until I can ride the tricyle to school.

Magic Portal

My lola everytime it came to this time of the year would often remind us that we must go visit, we should light a candle to them, her parents and her husband— my lolo. I often imagine lighting candle is like ligthing a portal from the cementery back home, that everytime that the candle stood still to the point it doesn't burn down they are here, using that portal. And as long as it burns they are using that portal to visit.

I didn't get a photo

Why did I let myself loose the opportunity to take a photo with you. I hated myself that I knew you most of my life but grown too distant and awkward to take a simple photo we can look back to— I can remember you by. Now the picture that is stuck in my head is the photo where you are lying in the hospital bed, not the photo I wanna remember you with. I wish I had the courage to even visit you there, you've been in almost my life but I couldn't be in your last.

Light candle once more

As I light candle this year, noticing the candle is standing still as if you are here blocking the air that blows. I like to invent a candle that doesnt burn down. If that can be the reason for a portal to stay open between here and to where you are now until I can take that photo. But that is not possible. This time I'll let the candle die so I know that you can come back now to a place where the pain is no longer, reunite to those you dearly missed. I will remember you until I can, until there is someone who wonders why do we do this. After all they weren't born when you are still here, one thing is for sure though. As I remember your story, they will stare on the candle that stood still and count how long ago was 2024 and 1940.